March Wrap-Up
March was a wild one! I turned 36 and celebrated my last weekend having a uterus with a reading retreat in Saugatuck (aka lying in bed next to a fireplace and reading all day). It was lovely, even though I felt sick much of the time. But I got to take it easy for a few days away from my to-do list, which I really needed.
Then a few days later, I was in Detroit getting my hysterectomy and endometriosis excision. I haven’t received the final lab work yet, but the doctor said he removed several areas of endometriosis and that my uterus was very inflamed and globular shaped, likely confirming the adenomyosis diagnosis.
This was all reassuring to me because you never know exactly what they’ll find in surgery with these diseases—adeno and endo don’t always show up on scans. So I was validated that I wasn’t crazy, there was something wrong, and I’m glad I advocated for myself to find a specialist surgeon, likely saving me from years of illness.
I woke up from surgery in a lot of pain, which was a surprise since everyone I’ve talked to about it said that the meds make you feel great afterward. But maybe I was immune to whatever they were pumping in my IV because it wasn’t touching my pain and they said they couldn’t give me anymore or I’d stop breathing.
Eventually the pain subsided a little after some other medicine, a couple of crackers, and a few sips of cranberry juice, and they said I needed to leave. I remembered how the pre-op nurse had said commiseratingly, “If a guy had his penis chopped off, you can be sure they’d let him stay the night”, but the post-op nurses seemed to think differently. Still, I was glad to be out of the hospital after all because I could rest away from the bright lights and sterile atmosphere.
After a night’s stay in a hotel, we made it home, and I’ve been recovering ever since. I think I was in denial about how difficult this would be because I had made lots of plans to do “projects” during my recovery time off work from my day job. LOL. I haven’t had much energy at all, and even the smallest tasks make me want to take a nap. But I’m trying to rest as much as I can and listen to what my body needs (not my strong suit).
Every day is a little better, and I’m not in pain so much as discomfort now, trying to build up my stamina so I can get back to regular walking and gardening as the spring arrives.
News about Rift
The day I got home after surgery, my first author copy of Rift was waiting for me on my doorstep! What a strange thing to hold in my hands—a representation of years of work and uncertainty trying to get the book to a place where I felt like it was ready and worth sharing. And now it’s here!
I believe books belong to the readers after they’re published, so now that copies are printed and being shipped to bookstores and early readers, I’m letting go of it, in a sense. This is my story, but this book doesn’t belong to me anymore, and that is liberating.
This month Rift was featured in a round-up review in Publishers Weekly: “New Books Explore Fundamentalist, Evangelical Trauma.”
Publishers are tapping into the deep well of hurt, and, ultimately, healing with new books from authors who have escaped cults, fundamentalism and other church abuses. “Thanks in large part to recent books like Jesus and John Wayne (2021) by Kristin Kobes DuMez and social forces like the MAGA movement, many Christians are doing some soul searching, grappling with the role of patriarchy and white supremacy in their theologies and church communities,” said Lisa Ann Cockrel, acquisitions editor at Eerdmans Publishing Co., publisher of Cait West’s forthcoming Rift: A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy, which received a starred review from PW.
In the book, due out in April, West offers an honest, heartbreaking story of growing up in the Christian Patriarchy movement, her family ruled by her authoritarian father. She became a stay-at-home-daughter after finishing homeschooling, waiting for her “real” life to begin, when her father chose her husband. Instead, West broke free, marrying a man of her choosing and moving away from her family. “West offers a stirring reminder that these ideologies have very personal consequences in individual lives,” said Cockrel, pointing out that West also has an active online community of survivors. “She has a hard-won wisdom that is a function of doing her own work to heal, but also of walking alongside so many others on the same journey.”
I was also quoted in a piece in Salon about the #TradWife trend: “‘Tradwives’ Offer an Alluring Vision of Right-Wing Christianity—Online Warriors Are Fighting Back.”
When you leave a "high-control religion," Cait West, an escapee from Christian patriarchy said, you're often "leaving your friends and your family and your community." To go online and "find people who understand what you're going through, it's like a found family." …
"I am worried about younger men," West said, noting that "trad" content offers them a deceptive promise: "If only the world was like this, then I would get what I deserve."
My interview with the IndotriNation Podcast hosted by cult recovery expert Rachel Bernstein went live this month! What an honor to be able to share my story with this audience and talk about what it’s like to be a stay-at-home daughter. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, and here’s the Spotify link:
I also got the opportunity to share an excerpt of Rift for a panel on bodily autonomy and purity culture at the Popular Culture Association conference in Chicago. It was such an honor to speak alongside the incredible writers
, Bex Miller, and Bree Straayer as we shared from our different genres: fiction, poetry, creative nonfiction/memoir, and academic writing. The audience was fantastic, asking thought-provoking questions and receiving our stories with compassion.Recommendations
My friend Katherine Spearing (founder of Tears of Eden) is starting a new job as a practitioner at the Center for Trauma Resolution and Recovery (cofounded by Laura Anderson). You can request a session with her here:
I also want to recommend this piece by one of my cohosts on Survivors Discuss, Clare Heath-McIvor: “The Traumatised Brain After Leaving Toxic Religion.” I can relate so much!
This year I’ve shifted to write additional posts for paid subscribers here on Substack, but I will endeavor to have at least one post a month for free subscribers. I’m grateful for each person who takes time to read this, and I’m so glad you’re here. My monthly wrap-ups will be free, and I’ll be sure to keep sharing resources and links this way. Forwarding this monthly newsletter to others is a great way to share with those who might need to feel less alone in recovery from abuse.
Paid Post This Month:
Thank you, as always, for being here!
— Cait
Preorder RIFT: A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy (available April 30, 2024) on Bookshop.org, Barnes and Noble, Eerdmans, and Amazon.